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Afternoon Quickie: “Should I Tell My Fiancé I’ve Been Cheating?”

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My fiancé and I have been together for a little over four years and living together for about two. He’s a sweet guy who would give me the world if I asked, and I love him. And when he proposed in December 2014, I was ecstatic, but the very next day we had a party at our house and I got really drunk and made out with one of our good friends though nothing further happened. Well, I blew it off as a drunken mistake, but just this past week I slipped up again and went a little too far when flirting with a long time friend/coworker. We didn’t kiss or anything, but we did lie together and fondle one another. We both agreed nothing more would come of it, but my question is: Should I tell my fiancé since I seem to keep doing it? — Engaged and Making Out With Others

Uh, yeah, you should be honest with him. But maybe even more important, you need to be honest with yourself. What’s going on with you that you would cheat on your newly-minted fiancé, not just once but twice? Do you have a history of cheating before these instances, or did the cheating start only when you got engaged? If it’s new, what is it about being engaged that is freaking you out? Are you afraid of commitment in general, or do you have some doubts about your fiancé, specifically, and whether he’s the one you want to spend your life with? Either way, you need to address these issues you’re having, discuss them with your fiancé, and figure out together how you want to proceed. Maybe you need to put the engagement on hold. Maybe you need to actually break up. But one thing you definitely need to do is stop fondling and kissing other people when you’re committed to someone else.

P.S. There’s a huge difference between flirting and lying with someone and fondling him. Again, you need to start being honest with yourself here.

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com.


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